Uhhhhhhh...

I'm beginning to become concerned that every African American person I see is Tyler Perry.

America You a Faggot

     The olympics. The ultimate contest of athleticism,endurance, and douchebaggery.  The epitome of sporting achievements  watched by nearly everyone in the world.

    For some reason Americans freak the fuck out over the olympics. Sports that no one in America give a shit about normally (swimming) talk, eat, breath, shit,  fuck, and fart that sport every second they can for the duration of the olympics.  If I brought up swimming at a non olympic year dinner party someone would beat me with a football wrapped up in an american flag embroidered with a picture of Tom Brady high fiving Jesus.  

     The American media doesn't help this sickness. They latch onto these fucking stories and won't let go (Micheal Phelps anyone?). The saddest is the medal count. Check on any American news outlet and low and behold America is numero uno (get it?? It's in spanish! I'm topical...they're stealin our jobs).  After looking at Americas news, look at every other news site in the world. China is number one. Since the dawn of news media the rankings in the olympics has been based on gold medals, but the second America is number two,BAM, it's based on total medal count. Everyone knows the silver and bronze don't mean shit. 

I can't watch porn without hearing about Micheal Phelps.

          I honestly don't know how it is in other countries regarding the olympics. America seems to blow anything like this out of proportion. Any kind of contest gets our stars and stripes dick hard and all of a sudden you start hearing the word dominate in everyday conversation.  We're like the asshole on the playground thats bigger than everyone because he failed a couple grades, but still has friends because he'll kick their ass if they have an independent thought. Hell he might still kick their ass regardless of friendship status or thoughts.  

    At least when the olympics are over everything will go back to normal. I'm looking forward to it?

With Six You Get Eggroll!!!

I did it. I've done the impossible. I've completed something that I never thought I would be able to do.   I've conquered the mighty task of finding a place to live. 

Jesus Christ was it a bitch. It took me 3 months of searching, scrounging, and other things I'm not very proud of to dig out a decent apartment.  Wading through the shit river managment companies try to drown you in is a difficult trip. Here's a short list of things I hate about looking for housing:

1)Every apartment/house has a move in fee/security deposit* of astounding proportions. 

     The apartment I decided to get has a security deposit* of over a grand. Tha' fuck am I going to do to that place that would constitute charging me such a large sum of money? Just shit all over and break things for 6 months? No...I'm not currently planning on doing that.

     They should base the security deposit* on whether you look like a jackass or not.  Simple as that. Some jerkoff waltzes in wearing camo cargo shorts, flip flops, a sideways Detroit hat and thirteen collared shirts with popped collars? His security deposit will be astronomical. I'd say one thousand for every collar.

2)Craigslist

     Fucking craigslist.  The layout of the  pages makes my eyes bleed after looking at it for an hour, It's riddled with spam and rapists, there's also bad grammar, assholes, and rapists...did I mention rapists? Seriously I am led to believe there's a lot of rapists on there. 

3)Deals

     Companies offer "deals" like "FIRST MONTH FREE!!", but the thing they don't mention is once again the SECURITY DEPOSIT*. Who gives a shit if the first month is free when you still have to pay two thousand dollars to move in anyway.  Less Money Mo' Problems as they say.

4)Craigslist Again

   Fo real, fuck craig and his stupid list. 

     I could probably go on for much longer about everything I dislike about finding housing, but I'll stop because:

A) I'm bored

B)Divinals "When I think about you I touch myself" came on Hype Machine and I need to enjoy it to the fullest.

     

This post sucks.

*I realize you get the security deposit back, but it's still bullshit. I don't want you commonsense, get tha' fuck outta here with that.